At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
