Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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