In the future we'll all be gay
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
