This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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