i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
