NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
