so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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