im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
