You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
