my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
