Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
