I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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