how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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