if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
