I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
