So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
