Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
