I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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