We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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