I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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