I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
