made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
