Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please, let me fuck your mom
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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