Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
