If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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