dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
