her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
