...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
