Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
