I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
