i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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