"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have fence marks all over my body
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
