The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
