My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
