i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
