I haven't been this sober since birth.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
