i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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