Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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