the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
