I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize