Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She bit a glass in half.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
