I feel like abortions should bother me more
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is Oprah even human
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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