Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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