just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
