No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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