She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
