Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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