So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
