My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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