We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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