The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
