Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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