Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
