ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need help removing her.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
